DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A POST I WROTE SEVERAL MONTHS OR A YEAR AGO AND FAILED TO PUBLISH. THERE IS NO NEW OR OLD REASON BEHIND WHY I AM NOW PUBLISHING IT OR WHY I FAILED TO PREVIOUSLY PUBLISH IT...I JUST FELT LIKE AFTER EDITING AND FINISHING IT THAT IS WAS READY NOW...ENJOY
Can I be honest? That's really a rhetorical question...I know I can be honest. Unfortunately, sometimes I am TOO honest. Brutal honesty often comes with a heavy price and those close to me have experienced the wrath of my brutal honesty! To them, I say, 'Sorry'. But that's not what I want I really want to communicate today...so let me get back on track...next paragraph...
Let me be honest for a few moments. With my honesty will hopefully come some transparency and what I fear may come from that may be a little bit of surprise, maybe some disappointment, but hopefully more than anything a chance to move forward. In this honesty that I want to share will be some emotions and thoughts and observations that may shock, offend, enlighten, possibly encourage, and alter your view of me, but hopefully more than anything it will motivate you to also seek honesty and strength within yourself to take inventory and seek a new daily journey that allows you joy. So here we go...
Honestly...I am divided! What does that mean? Not sure a psychiatrist would deem me clinically bi-polar or having multiple personalities (disclaimer here: I am in NO way diminishing the reality or existence of these mental diseases...they do exist and I pray all who suffer from them are being assisted by professionals and family) but I live multiple existences, almost daily! I think if we are all truly honest with ourselves, we all do. If I were to ask you to describe who you think I am in single, descriptive words, you would likely come up with some of the following: Father, Friend, Loyal, Christian, Reliable, etc. And at times, each of us, daily puts on different 'hats' to be who we need to be at that moment, i.e. Husband, Wife, Dad, Mom, Manager, teammate, friend, confidant, etc. To be all these things in a single day is difficult and tiring and we definitely need some assistance from above or wherever to continually 'wear those hats' daily and accomplish all we need to get done. I think we can all agree on that.
But let me let you in on a little secret...that is not what I am talking about when I say I am divided. I am 'divided' in a way that has all the above on a side and somewhere else there is the person I most identify as to who I am. It's not the person "I want to be"...its the person I return to inside myself when I am done 'wearing' the hats above and my 'true north' when I feel like I have gotten 'off track' or when I think I need to 're-center' myself. Let's dive into some details and just so you know, if after reading this your whole impression of me changes, I understand...please know this...my honesty here is really for me and I am not looking for acceptance or agreement, just sharing a struggle and trying to move forward.
One of the many labels I have had for a long time is "Christian". I am even 'ordained' and have held positions of authority and status within churches. My Bachelor's degree is in Biblical Studies. You might say, I am 'invested' in this specific belief system. I believe in not 'a' god, but The God who created everything and everyone we experience today and for the rest of our lives. I believe in man's sinful nature and our definite need for a savior to rescue us from ourselves (see current events). To me those are as close to 'non-negotiable' in my life as you can get. But right now, I am not a fan of the church! Now this is not one of those, 'I used to be a Christian but the church made me mad and now I'm gonna rant about how bad the church is and tell everyone I'm an atheist' posts. No, I am still very much a Christian but the reality for me is that the church in our society (call it the American church or traditional or fake church or whatever) today, sucks! Sorry, brutal honesty coming out.
Let me tell you why I say that...one of the many statistics or metrics churches monitor or lovingly put stock in is numbers. Like how many attend weekly services, how many baptisms have we had this year, how many attended VBS, etc. The number I think churches probably should focus on for awhile is how many people have we hurt or driven away because our denominational beliefs or our need for control of the color of the carpet or the style of music or best how to reach 'the lost' is dictated, not by the leading of the Holy Spirit, but by whims or preferences of fallible humans! Additionally, 'the lost' aren't lost...they know where they are and probably where they are going. They may or may not understand their need for a deeper meaning in life that comes with a belief in something greater than themselves and the desire of the God who created them, longing to have a deeper relationship with them. Does labeling them help convey His desire to have that kind of relationship?!
And please hear me out as a middle-aged believer; the division between traditional vs modern vs reformed vs whatever else you want to label yourself does NOT matter...it's just noise! Noise that has driven many of those so-called 'lost' people who need God's message of LOVE and REDEMPTION, so much more than having to choose a side between Hymns vs Choruses! It's not just about how we love or how we serve, who has good ideas and who always makes the decision...if we were brutally honest about that, it should always be God who makes the decisions! I see young believers who are now calling out my generation about putting too much emphasis on the 'how' they are trying to bring in people to the church and a cry that we have lost our Biblical foundation, but what I think we have ALL lost is a real connection to God himself!
How does this happen? It happens when we spend more time identifying and then carrying out judgement and sentence on what is right and allowed in the church and those who attend rather than walking alongside those trying to work out the call on their life that ONLY comes from God himself. Why do we have differing denominations like differing cereal choices?! So you can choose the religion that best fits your lifestyle, of course! So it's okay if you want to believe that it's ok to consume alcoholic beverages but still be a believer, we have a denomination for that! You believe woman should preach? No problem, there is a denomination for that too! How about disagreeing with both of those? Don't worry, there is a denomination for you...you won't be left out!
It doesn't seem to matter that Jesus came and walked amongst us, eating with sinners, loving AND serving those who were most longing for that specific relationship that ONLY he can provide and doing this all in spite of the religious sect of the time, definitely in defiance of the 'church' of the time. So we have made our own criteria for what is allowed and what is right by our own standards and created 'churches' to fit those criteria. Some to feel 'holier' than others; some to reach those others won't; and some just to make us feel better about ourselves.
Let me be honest for a few moments. With my honesty will hopefully come some transparency and what I fear may come from that may be a little bit of surprise, maybe some disappointment, but hopefully more than anything a chance to move forward. In this honesty that I want to share will be some emotions and thoughts and observations that may shock, offend, enlighten, possibly encourage, and alter your view of me, but hopefully more than anything it will motivate you to also seek honesty and strength within yourself to take inventory and seek a new daily journey that allows you joy. So here we go...
Honestly...I am divided! What does that mean? Not sure a psychiatrist would deem me clinically bi-polar or having multiple personalities (disclaimer here: I am in NO way diminishing the reality or existence of these mental diseases...they do exist and I pray all who suffer from them are being assisted by professionals and family) but I live multiple existences, almost daily! I think if we are all truly honest with ourselves, we all do. If I were to ask you to describe who you think I am in single, descriptive words, you would likely come up with some of the following: Father, Friend, Loyal, Christian, Reliable, etc. And at times, each of us, daily puts on different 'hats' to be who we need to be at that moment, i.e. Husband, Wife, Dad, Mom, Manager, teammate, friend, confidant, etc. To be all these things in a single day is difficult and tiring and we definitely need some assistance from above or wherever to continually 'wear those hats' daily and accomplish all we need to get done. I think we can all agree on that.
But let me let you in on a little secret...that is not what I am talking about when I say I am divided. I am 'divided' in a way that has all the above on a side and somewhere else there is the person I most identify as to who I am. It's not the person "I want to be"...its the person I return to inside myself when I am done 'wearing' the hats above and my 'true north' when I feel like I have gotten 'off track' or when I think I need to 're-center' myself. Let's dive into some details and just so you know, if after reading this your whole impression of me changes, I understand...please know this...my honesty here is really for me and I am not looking for acceptance or agreement, just sharing a struggle and trying to move forward.
One of the many labels I have had for a long time is "Christian". I am even 'ordained' and have held positions of authority and status within churches. My Bachelor's degree is in Biblical Studies. You might say, I am 'invested' in this specific belief system. I believe in not 'a' god, but The God who created everything and everyone we experience today and for the rest of our lives. I believe in man's sinful nature and our definite need for a savior to rescue us from ourselves (see current events). To me those are as close to 'non-negotiable' in my life as you can get. But right now, I am not a fan of the church! Now this is not one of those, 'I used to be a Christian but the church made me mad and now I'm gonna rant about how bad the church is and tell everyone I'm an atheist' posts. No, I am still very much a Christian but the reality for me is that the church in our society (call it the American church or traditional or fake church or whatever) today, sucks! Sorry, brutal honesty coming out.
Let me tell you why I say that...one of the many statistics or metrics churches monitor or lovingly put stock in is numbers. Like how many attend weekly services, how many baptisms have we had this year, how many attended VBS, etc. The number I think churches probably should focus on for awhile is how many people have we hurt or driven away because our denominational beliefs or our need for control of the color of the carpet or the style of music or best how to reach 'the lost' is dictated, not by the leading of the Holy Spirit, but by whims or preferences of fallible humans! Additionally, 'the lost' aren't lost...they know where they are and probably where they are going. They may or may not understand their need for a deeper meaning in life that comes with a belief in something greater than themselves and the desire of the God who created them, longing to have a deeper relationship with them. Does labeling them help convey His desire to have that kind of relationship?!
And please hear me out as a middle-aged believer; the division between traditional vs modern vs reformed vs whatever else you want to label yourself does NOT matter...it's just noise! Noise that has driven many of those so-called 'lost' people who need God's message of LOVE and REDEMPTION, so much more than having to choose a side between Hymns vs Choruses! It's not just about how we love or how we serve, who has good ideas and who always makes the decision...if we were brutally honest about that, it should always be God who makes the decisions! I see young believers who are now calling out my generation about putting too much emphasis on the 'how' they are trying to bring in people to the church and a cry that we have lost our Biblical foundation, but what I think we have ALL lost is a real connection to God himself!
How does this happen? It happens when we spend more time identifying and then carrying out judgement and sentence on what is right and allowed in the church and those who attend rather than walking alongside those trying to work out the call on their life that ONLY comes from God himself. Why do we have differing denominations like differing cereal choices?! So you can choose the religion that best fits your lifestyle, of course! So it's okay if you want to believe that it's ok to consume alcoholic beverages but still be a believer, we have a denomination for that! You believe woman should preach? No problem, there is a denomination for that too! How about disagreeing with both of those? Don't worry, there is a denomination for you...you won't be left out!
It doesn't seem to matter that Jesus came and walked amongst us, eating with sinners, loving AND serving those who were most longing for that specific relationship that ONLY he can provide and doing this all in spite of the religious sect of the time, definitely in defiance of the 'church' of the time. So we have made our own criteria for what is allowed and what is right by our own standards and created 'churches' to fit those criteria. Some to feel 'holier' than others; some to reach those others won't; and some just to make us feel better about ourselves.
I feel fairly confident that if Jesus were walking the Earth today the main reason (if any reason at all..) that He would visit most churches would be because He still wants to save sinners and churches are full of them. I also believe He would treat some like He did the money changers in the temple. (see Matthew 21:12-17). It is apparent to me that He would most likely be spending His time serving the homeless, the hungry, the lost and hurting souls whom we pass daily or encourage to "get better" before coming to our churches and 'cathedrals'. If Christians today want to truly live lives that are fulfilled and bring glory to God, they need to leave their churches and get out into their communities and serve others, love others, and walk alongside others who need to experience God's love, made real through his people.
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